You've Been Drinking
by MorgieSan
Summary: Alexis Castle plus Alcohol equals Strange little family moments. Rated T for language and for mentions of underage drinking. Each story is a one shot.
1. Vodka, Or was it rum?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: These started as little ask box violations on Tumblr for kbecks41319. I've decided to share them with the rest of you!

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Alexis stumbled into the kitchen, with a giggle. She dropped her bag onto the kitchen table, and pulled open the fridge.

"Alexis?"

She slammed the door shut and spun around. Her giggling resumed again, and her speech was slurred, "Oh, hiiiiiii Kate." She punctuated the sentence with a hiccup.

"Alexis, are you drunk?"

"Wh-what? Nooooooo, Kate," she hiccuped again. "I'm na-not duh-runk."

"You sure as hell aren't high."

"How wo- wo-" Alexis furrowed her brow, and tried again, "How do yooooou know?"

"Cop. Experience. What were you drinking?" Kate cornered the girl against the counter.

Alexis met her with wide eyes. "You've been high?"

"Alexis, focus. What were you drinking?" She turned on the interrogation voice.

"I think... I think it was vodka," she giggled, "or maybe rum. You've been high?"

"Go to bed, Alexis. I'll bring you some water." Kate turned to the cabinet and opened it to grab a glass.

Alexis used the opportunity to corner Kate. "You've been high?"

"Yes," Kate sighed, "After my mom died."

Alexis immediately sobered. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"Go to bed, Alexis. You're going to feel like hell in the morning." Kate gave her a hug.

"I already feel like hell." Her stomach churned and she bolted for the bathroom.

Kate filled the water glass and followed Alexis to the bathroom.


	2. Beer Bad

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Notes: A less frivolous version of Drunk!Alexis. Or the Castle version of Beer Bad.

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Alexis shut the door as quietly as she could and tip-toed toward the stairs.

"You know I can arrest you right?"

She spun quickly and went pale. "Kate... you're still up."

"Yeah. You smell like you bathed in beer, Alexis."

"What? Pffft... no, not me. I'm a good girl." Alexis shook her head and stumbled at the action.

"God, you can barely even stand up, Alexis. How much did you have?"

"I'm not drunk!" she barked.

"If you actually _WANT_ to wake your dad up, try that again. How much did you have to drink?"

"Like two beers."

"Try again, or I really will consider arresting you."

"No you won't. Dad would send you packing," she sneered.

"Answer her, Alexis."

"Da-Dad?"

"How much did you drink?" he asked stepping in behind Kate.

"You're asking me, how much I've had to drink? Really, Dad? It's meeeeee, Daddy."

"I can smell the beer from over here, Alexis. You're already grounded, so answer the question."

Alexis rolled her eyes and went upstairs.

* * *

Alexis woke up to slamming doors, and groaned into her pillow.

"You're lucky he's just slamming doors. He wanted to wake you up with a pot and a wooden spoon."

"GoawayKateIfeelawful."

"Good, you should feel awful. Especially after the attitude you pulled last night," she replied placing the water glass and bottle of aspirin on the bedside table.

"I'm never drinking again."

"Probably a good call, Alexis. I'm going to go downstairs and try and stop your Dad from making anymore noise."

"Thanks, Kate," Alexis replied as the woman slipped silently back out of her room.


	3. Wine, Goldfish, and Fluff

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: This one is the fluffiest, and the first to not feature under age drinking. Future!Fic, yay! Anyway, I think this one is my favorite.

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Kate snorted into her wine glass before throwing her head back onto the couch to laugh.

"No, I swear!" Alexis laughed along with her. They were both wedged between the coffee table and the couch.

"That is... the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard Alexis Castle, and I married your father. I know ridiculous."

"I guess you probably have heard a lot of ridiculous things in these last ten years, huh?" Alexis swirled her wine glass sadly.

"Alexis, we are sitting here getting drunk and shoveling down chocolate ice cream, because Derek is a moron. This is no time to bring up stupid boys who dump their perfect girlfriends for blonde bimbos."

Alexis sighed, and downed the rest of her glass. "You're right of. You're right. I just... I can't figure it out. I want to egg his house or something, you know?"

"Window chalk his car. I did that once in high school, it's a bitch to get off of anything but your windows... Thank God you weren't me. I think I wrote every bad word ever invented on the windows and body of that pretty white car in _red_. The piece de resistance was the back window. Bright blue letters."

"Oh no, you can't stop that story there," Alexis coaxed as she refilled her glass and passed the bottle to her step-mother.

"I, uh, I wrote that... I wrote," she giggled the wine getting to her," I wrote 'Your dick is the size of a crayon.' Needless to say he didn't get a date again until college."

Alexis had spit her wine across the table as soon as the word dick passed Kate's lips. The rest of the story had her doubled over on the hardwood in laughter. Alexis, gasping for air, tried to sit up. She collapsed back against Kate's side and shook in silent laughter. "I... love... you..." she choked out between laughing fits.

"What's going on in here?" Castle asked from the doorway, his heavy winter coat slung over his arm. He looked down at his girls, their cheeks red, he presumed, from the wine and the laughter. Their ice cream mostly melted. Their bottle nearly empty.

"We are sharing wildly inappropriate stories," Kate answered bumping Alexis' shoulder with her own. Alexis dropped her head onto Kate's shoulder and started giggling again.

"Daddy, will you bring me that box of Goldfish in the pantry?' she asked after her giggling fit stopped. She twirled her spoon in the mostly chocolate soup in front of her.

"Sure thing, Pumpkin. You girls want another bottle?"

"Yes," they answered at the same time. An act that launched them both back into giggles.

He shook his head and went to get them what they wanted.

"Thank you for doing this, Kate. I'm sure you had better things to do tonight than get drunk with me."

"Can't think of a single thing that would be more important, right now," she replied honestly.

"I think that's because you're drunk," Alexis joked.

"If I am, then so are you. Still, nothing more important than helping my best girl in her time of need."

Pretending he hadn't heard a single thing, Castle slipped in and sat the box and the bottle of wine on the table in front of them. "I'm gonna go work on my book. If you two don't pass out here," he turned to Kate, "get me on your way to bed." He kissed both of their heads and turned to leave.

Kate's hand shot out and stopped him. "Uh-uh, mister. I haven't seen you all day. I want a real kiss."

He chuckled and leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. "Better?"

"Much. Now go." She shoved him away and leaned forward to grab her glass off the table.

"Going, going!" He held his hands up and left the room.

Alexis poured the last of their old bottle into her glass and reached for the box of snacks. Hogging it to herself she sat back against the couch again. "Any other good break up retaliations?"

"Hmm.. give me some," Kate held her hand out, "Let's see... Oh, I did trick a guy into thinking were having an ABC party once. He'd cheated on one of my best friends. He looked like a total ass when he showed up."

"What's an ABC party? Alexis asked as she poured Goldfish into Kate's waiting hand.

"Anything but clothes. He showed up in this like 'Tarzan-style' loin cloth, made out of an old Pokemon pillowcase. Two things, Alexis. One, he wasn't exactly the Tarzan type, if you catch my drift. Two, his loin cloth looked more like a diaper."

"Why do none of my friends think of these things? I mean, the worst Paige has done in retaliation is bad mouth a boy on Facebook. And Cassie? She dosed a gallon of iced tea with Ex-Lax, he finished the whole gallon over a night, she told him she knew he'd cheated, and then she locked him out."

"That is beautiful, beautiful revenge," Kate responded around a mouthful of the cheddary snacks.

Alexis smirked, and sighed wistfully, "Yeah, we didn't see him around campus for like a week."

Kate threw a fish at Alexis. "You're moping again, stop it."

"I am not moping!" Alexis threw a fish back at her.

"As bad as you lie sober, you're a million times worse drunk." She bounced a goldfish off of Alexis' forehead.

"Hey!" Alexis threw the rest of her handful at Kate and they wrestled to get more from the box. They pelted each other with the fish and giggled until Alexis' cell phone vibrated on the table in front of them. She picked it up and read the message. "He apologized, said he was stupid, and wants to get back together... I want to punch him."

Kate laughed and popped the cork on their new bottle. "Tell him to take a hike. No... tell him your mom is a cop, and she's going to spend the better part of her day tomorrow scouring records looking for any little thing she can find to make his life a living hell. So he'd better take care of any parking tickets he has right now." She topped off their glasses and picked up the TV remote.

Alexis typed away and tossed her phone off to the chair across the room after she sent her message. "Temptation Lane?"

"Duh!" Kate grinned and settled back against the couch. They made it through three episodes before sleep claimed Alexis. She threw an arm over her shoulder and hugged her closer.

"Thank you for being here for her," Rick whispered as he sat down next to Kate.

"I know you heard me tell her I didn't have anywhere more important to be. I meant it," she answered quietly turning to face him.

"I don't just mean tonight, Kate." He gave her a lingering kiss, and wove his fingers in her hair.

"Unnnnn... gross. Get a room," Alexis mumbled pulling away from Kate. She continued to mutter as she got up to stumble her way to the stairs, "Making out over my head... teenagers."

"Go help her up the stairs. She's a lightweight." Kate pulled away and started gathering up the bowls and picking up the Goldfish scattered around the area.

"I'll be back to help you in a minute." He stood and went to lead Alexis up to her room. When he made it back down Kate was leaning against the counter finishing her glass.

"Remind me to vacuum in the morning. I don't think I got all of the Goldfish picked up."

"I'll do that. From what I hear you're going to be too busy seeking retribution for Lex." He pinned her between the counter and his body.

"Where were you working on your book at exactly?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I was in my office, I swear. You're just a little bit louder than you think you are when you turn on the mama bear." She quirked an eyebrow at him but said nothing, a sure sign that she'd moved past tipsy a long time ago.

"Come on, Beautiful. You can't do anything tomorrow with the hangover you have coming to you." He kissed her and pulled her by the arm from the counter.

"Hangover, my ass," she yawned, but followed. "Love you," she mumbled as her head hit the pillow.

"Love you too," he answered curling up behind her and wrapping her against him tightly. He inhaled the scent of cherries deeply, as he nuzzled into her hair, and fell asleep warmed by her body and the pride he had in his heart.


	4. Designated Driving and Blackmail

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Notes: Short and silly. This time it's not Alexis and Kate who have been drinking! Hurrah for a change of theme!**

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**"Alexis, you don't have to do this."**

**"Yeah, right," she answered rolling her eyes and pulling the car door open. "Both of you in."**

**The older pair climbed into the backseat about as clumsily as any two people could. And noisily. And giggly. **

**Alexis pulled out her cellphone and started taking a video. "What did we learn tonight?"**

**"Don't challenge Beckett to a drinking contest."**

**"Don't accept challenges from your father."**

**"Annnd..." Alexis supplied bending down to pick up shoe that Katherine Beckett had somehow managed to lose as she climbed in.**

**"Nope, nothing else," Castle said struggling to get his seatbelt on.**

**Beckett thumped his arm with the shoe Alexis had just given her. "The other thing we learned is your daughter is going to be giving us crap about this for weeks, and that she is awesome."**

**"Damn right I am!" Alexis grinned before cutting the video off. She made sure they were both buckled in before skirting around the edge of the car to the driver's side. **

**She listened to their giggles and whispers in the backseat as she drove them back towards the loft. She chanced a glance in the rearview mirror each time they hit a red light. She worried when the backseat got quiet. Glancing in the mirror one more time, she was lucky the car was already stopped. "DAD!" **

**"Huh? Oh, hi, Alexis. When did you get here?" he asked after pulling his lips from Beckett's neck and his hands from under the hem of her shirt.**

**"Could you guys at least wait until you get back to the loft?" She glanced back one more time, before the light turned green. "Kate! No! If you touch that zipper again I will pull this car over and call Lanie."**

**Beckett sat on her hands. Castle did the same. Then they were giggling again.**


	5. Alexis' Anatomy

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Notes: Another one shot. Alexis is out living on her own, and probably old enough to buy her own beer in this one. This was posted to Tumblr like an hour ago, and now it's coming to you.

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Alexis lazily flipped the channels on the TV in front of her, finally coming to land on a Grey's Anatomy marathon. With a heavy sigh she sat back against the couch to try and get lost in the drama at Seattle Grace. Her phone buzzed across the small coffee table in front of her as she took a long pull from the amber bottle in her hand. She reluctantly reached for the infernal device with every intention of chucking it out of the room. She stopped short when she saw the the text was not from the ass she formerly referred to as boyfriend, but from her father.

"Hey Pumpkin, Kate and I are on our way over to drag you and Jacob off to dinner. Bring your appetite!"

She sighed and thumbed open the keyboard. She pondered how to tactfully cut them off and let her wallow. She settled on a lie. "Not home. Sorry."

"We can meet you somewhere. I want to see my Baby Bird!"

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Not tonight, Dad. Please." She knew that the moment she hit the 'Send' button her phone would be ringing in response. Her father was nothing if not predictable, and her phone rang only moments later.

"He- APPLES! APPLES! APPLES!"

She smirked, and waited. There was a rustling sound and some whining from the other end before a female voice floated over the line.

"I'm going to send him over to play Call of Duty with the boys. Call me when you feel like talking."

"Thanks, Kate," Alexis replied before ending the the call and sinking back into the couch. She knew she'd be calling Kate back in an hour or two, right now she just wanted to finish her beer and watch Addison Montgomery make life a living hell for Meredith and McDreamy. So she did. She nursed her beer, and put her thoughts in order.


	6. Rum for Your Life!

Disclaimer: I own a bottle of rum, but Kate or Alexis. I don't even own a house in the Hamptons. I did however make up the guys in this story.

Notes: Another installment of the adventures of Alexis and alcohol. This one took a hard left somewhere around Albuquerque, but I love it anyway. It's totally out of character, but so is Alexis drinking alcohol before she turns 21. It's probably really out of character for Kate to be the one giving her the alcohol too, but I DIGRESS! This is my story, and I love it. Enjoy. XD

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Kate hooked her towel across the back of the deck chair Alexis had drug down into the sand for her. "I could've helped you move the chairs, Alexis. I'm not completely useless yet."

Alexis tipped her lavender sunglasses up onto the top of her head and grinned at her step-mother. "And let Dad have a reason to fuss at me? No thanks," she teased, sitting up to take the frosty glasses from Kate's hands.

"Thanks." Kate spread her towel out and perched on the edge of her seat. "Yours has the umbrella in it. I put some extra rum in it. Since you're drinking for two."

"Hurr, hurr, hurr, get the ginger drunk," Alexis joked, passing the umbrella free glass over to Kate. She tugged her green and white fleur de lis print top up some, hissing as her frozen drink immediately begin dripping condensation onto her skin.

"We don't tell Rick about this. As far as he knows it's Martha who got into the rum," Kate warned, taking a sip of her virgin daiquiri and easing herself back onto the seat.

"Yes, you will forever remain good influence over me in his eyes. Speaking of eyes..." Alexis trailed off, tilting her head slightly to the left to watch the runner's backside as he passed them in the sand. "Mine like what they see."

"God, I really am a bad influence," Kate admitted, digging the base of her glass into the sand and laughing freely.

"Only where it counts," Alexis grinned, pulling her shades back down and taking a long draw off her drink. "What's baby doing?"

"Kickboxing with my bladder," she groused, draping both of her arms over her navy blue-lycra covered distended stomach. "You're still coming with me to the doctor's appointment tomorrow, right?"

"Puh-lease! Kate, seriously, there is no way in Hell I am going to miss finding out if I'm getting a brother or sister first hand." She took another long sip of the drink and giggled as the same runner from before passed them by again going in the other direction. "That is seriously one nice piece of ass."

"Alexis!" Kate admonished, reaching over and whacking her lightly on the arm.

"What?" Alexis asked, feigning innocence and taking another sip of her drink.

"That's your only alcoholic beverage today. Savor it," Kate threatened, glaring at her futilely, her own sunglasses were blacked out.

Alexis blushed and turned her attention back to the ocean. She giggled. "Shit, Kate, this is strong."

"Oh yeah, you are definitely cut off after that one."

"Whose attention do you think he's trying to get? Yours or mine?" Alexis watched the runner's ass pass them by... again.

"Yours. He keeps looking your way. Not at me and my fat."

"Woah, woah, woah." Alexis sat up and swung her legs over the side of the chair. "You are pregnant, not fat. Seriously, Gram keeps talking about how jealous she is that the only place you're pregnant is in your belly. She was going on about every part of her gaining weight when she was pregnant with Dad. So, shut it, you're a hot momma," she swore, in a surprisingly sober tone. A tone that was quickly broken as soon as the runner passed them by again and her giggles returned.

"You so can't handle alcohol, at all," Kate sighed, starting to regret her decision to break into the liquor cabinet for Alexis. "I could handle my liquor better than this at your age."

"You weren't a little miss goody, goody like me. Not that that's a bad thing, you're liver just had practice. Mine is like... mine is like dad playing baseball. Not good at it." Alexis giggled into her drink again and shoved herself up off the seat, leaving her nearly empty glass in her seat. She adjusted her bikini top and bottom and strolled out toward the water.

"Don't do anything too stupid, Lex." Kate rolled her eyes and picked up her book, drawing her knees up to prop the book on her stomach and rest it's spine and covers on her legs.

Alexis twirled in the surf, letting her hair spin out behind her. Kate watched as the runner slowed to a jog as he passed by for a fifth time, this time watching Alexis's backside. It took all Kate had to not the throttle the kid for his open ogling. At least he had the decency to not use Alexis stumbling in the surf to his advantage, he just caught her and stood her back upright. Standing a little too close for comfort, Kate thought, but she let it slide. Alexis was an adult now, and she was only going to intervene if Alexis's nineteen years of life led her to the wrong conclusion.

"I really am a bad influence," Kate mumbled, turning her attention back to her book, trying to ignore how much like herself Alexis was acting. She scowled as a shadow fell across her.

"Good book. That guy has a house up here somewhere," the sandy-haired man explained, nodding toward Rick's face on the back cover of Kate's copy of 'Heat Rises.'

"You don't say?" Kate's attempt at contempt came across as feigned interest instead.

"Oh yeah," the man continued, taking her response as an opening to continue the conversation, "I mean, I've never met him, but I only recently moved over to this side of town. The neighbors all say he's a nice guy."

Kate gave the man a tight lipped smile and turned to the next page in her book, casting a glance out toward the water to check on Alexis.

"So, are you new to the neighborhood?"

"Nope," she responded curtly, focusing on where Alexis's hands were, frowning when she grabbed runner boy's butt.

"Oh, that's cool. Can I feel?"

"What?" Kate whipped her head around to face the man, and pushed herself as far away from the man as she can get.

"You're pregnant, I just..."

"Creepy. Very, very creepy."

"Doctor, sorry," he tried to explain.

"Still creepy."

"You're right. I'm sorry." He backed away with his hands in the air. "I have foot-in-mouth disease, at least that's what my ex-wife used to tell me."

His joke fell flat, and Kate turned her attention back out to Alexis, whose hand had disappeared from view down the backside of the runner's shorts. "ALEXIS!" she barked, launching herself as best she could off of the lounge chair and heading out towards the water. "Alexis, let go right now." She jerked the redhead's wrist and wandering fingers away from the now undone drawstrings on the runner's shorts and did the only thing she could think to do. She pinched Alexis's ear and drug her back towards the house.

"OW, OW, OXFORD! OXFORD! KATE, OXFORD! LET GO! Please?" She pleaded, stumbling to keep up with the older woman's long stride. "Kate," she whined, trying to pry the hand off of her ear.

"No way, inside now. March!" She commanded, pushing the sliding door open and unceremoniously shoving Alexis into the living room. "Sit down on the couch. And don't you even think about moving, or so help me I will twist your ear completely off."

Alexis fell onto the couch cradling her left ear in her hand and frowned at Kate. "I was just having fun."

"You were taking that boy's shorts off. On a public beach. WHERE I COULD SEE YOU!" she howled, giving Alexis one last exasperated look before marching back out to gather their towels and glasses. She tucked the book under her arm and took several calming breaths before she made her way back into the house.

"So... If I had been taking his shorts off where you couldn't see me it would've been okay?"

"No. Pro tip, drunk sex is bad sex."

"Who said anything about sex? I was just going to get... an anatomy lesson."

Kate groaned and buried her face in her hands after she dropped their stuff off on the counter. "Did you really just admit to... " She took another calming breath, and walked around the couch to sit next to Alexis. "I'm never giving you alcohol again, and if you ever, ever, _EVER _talk about, hint at, or imply that you were attempting to give a stranger a hand job again I will wring your neck."

"Kate?"

"What?"

"I'm going out with him tomorrow night." Alexis tried to take off, but she failed to avoid the whack to the back of the head Kate gave her. "Worth it!" She bounded up the stairs to her room and left Kate sitting mortified on the couch.

"I'm the worst influence in the world," she muttered, sinking back into the couch and letting her eyes slide shut. "I've ruined his daughter, and he's going to hate me." She looked down to her unborn child, who was furiously kicking away at her bladder. "You are not helping."


End file.
